Coach Joann Hulquist
CoachForum Replies Created
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Hi Lydia,
I wasn’t able to participate in this webinar but just watched the recording. It was great! Courtney mentioned a resource and shared in the chat for student surveys called “Intellispark” (spelling?) but I wasn’t able to capture that in the webinar recording. Do you have that information?
Thanks,
Joann
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Notes from the reading: The “widespread tendency to close without closing.” (p. 246) “…how you end things, like how you begin them, shapes people’s experience, sense of meaning, and memory.” (p. 248). Last call (p.254) Two phases – looking inward (a moment to understand, remember, acknowledge, and reflect on what just transpired) and turning outward (preparing to part from one another and resume your place). What part of this experience do I want to bring with me? “…helping them find a thread to connect the world of gathering to the world outside.” (p. 267-268) “Party favors” (p. 270) The exit line – walking your guests to the door.
Reflection: Parts of this chapter connected with me on such a personal level – if he had his way, my husband would always be the last to leave a party, and at our own gatherings he does everything possible to keep others lingering. The closure could go on forever…
On a professional level, I want to revisit Elena Aguilar’s work (Bright Foundation, <i style=””>The Art of Coaching, The Art of Coaching Teams and her newest, The PD Book). The workshop we did with Lori Cohen had ideas that link well with Parker’s work, and I need to review them to see how we might incorporate the best of both.
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Notes from the reading: “how do we create gatherings that can hold some heat without burning up in flames?” (p. 229) “…many of us suffer from a well-meaning desire not to offend that develops into a habit of saying nothing that matters… couldn’t have a rich and honest discussion, air their very real differences, and make an important decision together that they would stand by.” (p. 232) Good controversy “helps people look more closely at what they care about…re-examne what we hold dear…move forward with thinking…clarifying and cleansing.” (p. 233). It needs to be designed for and given structure – move it from implicit to explicit by ritualizing it, creating a temporary alternative world within the larger gathering (p. 234) Heat maps – “Issues have heat when they affect or threaten people’s fears, needs and sense of self…and when they poke at a source of power.” (p. 237) “What is the gift in broaching this issue? And what is the risk? Is it worth it? And can we handle it with care?” (p. 244).
Reflection: That last quote really sums it up for me. Is the risk worth the gift, and can we handle it with care. So important. I have witnessed situations when the gift may have been worth the risk, but there was not enough frontloading done for it to be handled with care, and it blew up. I’m sure many of that have experienced such a situation whether in our personal or professional lives, so this likely causes angst just considering it! I would want to work with my facilitator and take great care when using during Copilot or Counterpart. Perhaps we could use for a Problem of Practice either in our June meeting or another venue.
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Notes from the reading: How do we keep it real and authentic? “Sprout speech” or the part still forming. “Crucible moments, according to George, are challenging moments in our lives that shape us in some deep way and shift our lens on the world. They are stories that define us in our own minds – and that, nevertheless, seldom come up in the ordinary course of conversation.” (p209) “…a push for people’s experiences over their ideas.” (p. 210) “A moment a story works is usually a moment of vulnerability.” (p. 211) …the best themes were not the sweet ones, like happiness or romance, but rather the ones that had darker sides to them: fear, Them, borders, strangers. The ones that allowed for many interpretations…a chance to pause and consider what is not uplifting but thought- and heart-provoking.” (p 213). “…integration of the shadow…darkness is better inside the tent than outside of it. We all have it. It’s going to be at your gathering. And if you bar it from the formal proceedings, it doesn’t disappear. It shows up in ways that do your gatherings no favors.” (p.215). “…choosing the right questions and structure can help people long acquainted see one another with fresh eyes.” (p. 217) “…leave outside the door those parts of their lives and work that are going great. We’re interested in the half-baked parts. We’re interested in the parts they’re still figuring out. We’re not interested in their pre planned speeches but rather in the words and thoughts still forming.” (p.220) “…I have discovered that if I, the host, acknowledge and broadcast their strength, as individuals and collectively well in advance, it relieves some of the pressure people feel to flex…” (p 221) “…offer an invitation to intimacy, but depth is a complete choice.” (p. 224)
Reflection: In my experience, the degree to which others are willing and able to do this is so dependent upon the host/facilitator and the other participants. I have experienced the power of story, and when it is set well, it is the most powerful communication. I can see participants being more amenable when their strengths have already been shared and acknowledged. Besides, having someone else share positives about you just plain feels awesome! Inviting the dark, or the failures/difficulties/struggles is what we want in order to grow and make changes, but setting the stage for this is also vital. I think it is also harder in a virtual setting. I believe it was during our January Counterpart, I shared a story of a professional struggle and although it didn’t totally bomb, it didn’t have the next steps I had anticipated. Part of that may have been time constraints but part was also difficulty in “reading” the audience. I’d like to work on that more.
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Notes from the reading: HOST THE PREGAME! 90% of what makes a gathering successful is put in place beforehand (p. 149). The scale of the ask is equal to the scale of the preparation. The host must sow the expected specific behaviors. “Every gathering benefits or suffers from the expectation and spirit with which guests show up.” (151) Digital workbooks – 6 to 10 questions with two elements: something that helps them connect with and remember their own sense of purpose and something that gets them to share honestly about the challenges they face. Helps them think through the things they value before they arrive. (p. 154) “What am I willing to give – physically, psychologically, financially, emotionally, and otherwise – in return for what I expect to receive?” (156) Sustain the excitement – manage your guests’ transition into the gathering. The importance of launching, passageways and doorways. “Audiences disproportionately remember the first 5 percent, the last 5 percent, and a climatic moment of a talk. (p. 173) “Awe the quests and honor them…feeling of being totally welcomed and deeply grateful to be there.” (178)
Reflection: Much like the examples, I tend to fuss more about the the things and not enough about the human beings in preparing for a gathering. It is easier to do on a one-to-one basis, but need to do it in the larger setting. Also, guilty of wasting the opening with logistics & business and leaving out a concluding event.
We had the asynchronous activities this year, but few of my leaders actually did them, perhaps because I continually gave them an out. How might we change this next year, so they feel the importance of preparing mentally and environmentally for our time together? Perhaps in my reachout email, I highlight an activity to increase the meaningfulness and expectation?
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@Jessica – I do think making the task less daunting by limiting the expectation (2 sentences) might be helpful!
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Notes from the Reading: “Etiquette allows people to gather because they are the same. Pop-up rules allow people to gather because they are different – yet open to having the same experiences.” (p. 121) “Rules are explicit and become an experimental game. There is a certain kind of fun in trying something for a bounded moment.” (p. 133) Gathering Rules are temporary, humble, and inclusive. They can help temporarily change behavior (p. 143)
Reflection: Our youngest daughter is getting married next month. Although not on the invitations, on their website where guests are asked to RSVP, she and her fiance have two explicit requests causing controversy. These requests have been on the website since November, but I’m sure many people are just now looking at it since they are starting to respond. All guests must be fully vaccinated in order to attend and except for the eleven nieces and nephews in the wedding party, no children are invited (The nieces and nephews are going off to another location for play, dinner and bed after the ceremony as well). Although my name is nowhere to be found on the invitation or website, people seem to feel free to contact ME about their frustrations with these requests/rules! Jessica noted that the option is just not to attend, but that doesn’t seem to suffice…. The reasons behind their wedding requests don’t seem to matter to those who ask if the rule REALLY applies to them. It has become quite interesting when I am able to disengage and try to consider it as an observer.
I truly don’t have ideas yet for pop-up rules, but would love to work with other coaches on ideas that might help spark fun, encourage conversations, create comradery, change habits, etc. How do we add these without frustrating some? Is the group large enough/connected enough to hold each other accountable?
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Notes from the reading: Generous Authority Goals: 1. Protect your guests and work to protect the purpose (86). If you are going to compel people to gather in a particular way, enforce it and rescue your guests if it fails. Elevate the right to a great collective experience above anyone’s right to ruin that experience (p. 87) 2. Equalize your guests. 3. Connect your guests. Design your gatherings for the kinds of connections you want ot create (p. 94)
Ungenerous authority: What you give must justify the freedom you are asking your guests to give up (p. 104). How do you weave others into the “story” to feel a part of it (p. 105)?
Reflection: This chapter made me squirm a bit as I thought of the number of times I just didn’t want to be the host, whether it was a party, a staff meeting, a PD training… Stepping out of my comfort level, pushing the extrovert to emerge, taking the risk, being genuine, … The link Brandi provided was very interesting and brought more ideas. How do we hone our skills as hosts/guides/facilitators for this important work?
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Notes from the reading: The WHO – Inviting people is easy. Excluding people can be hard. Once again, the importance of rooting your gathering up front in a clear, agreed upon purpose. Then “thoughtful exclusion, in addition to being generous, can be defining. (p. 41) “…the diversity in it to be heightened and sharpened, rather than diluted in a hodgepodge of people.” (46) Thoughtful exclusion and flourishing diversity go hand-in-hand. “With certain types of gatherings, over-including can keep connections shallow because there are so many different lines through which people could possibly connect that it can become hard to meaningfully activate any of them. Excluding thoughtfully allows you to focus on a specific, underexplored relationship.” (p 48) Group size matters (pages 50-53). The WHERE: Venues come with scripts – the environment should serve the purpose. (54) The château principle (playing field). Displacement is important. Perimeter, area & density.
Reflection: For our virtual work, I was a bit stuck on this one until I watched the recording of the meeting and also rad Jesica’s thoughts. How might we make this virtual place seem like a different venue for us and participants. If we leave our office space and hold the meetings (virtually) in different locations will that change the venue (thinking different rooms, outside, using backgrounds…). What about for our administrators? Can they leave their office space for a planned displacement? WOuld it be worth investigating?
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Notes from the reading: When you skip the important step determining purpose, “you forsake an opportunity for your gathering to be a source of growth, support, guidance, and inspiration tailored to the time in which you and others find yourselves.” (p. 8). The crucial ingredients for a gaterings purpose include specificity (sharpens the gathering), uniqueness (will not happen again), and be disputable (decision filter). Move from the what to the why (p. 21). Use purpose as your bouncer (p. 32)
Reflections: To be honest, this year I wasn’t always clear in my own head the clear purpose of each of my CoPilot and Counterpart meetings, so I would think the same was true for my team; hopefully it improved throughout the year! As we worked on providing feedback for the agenda for our San Diego gathering, this nagged at me a bit. It is hard not to resort to past practices of “covering” all the items we think are important or topics coaches want covered and questions answered. How do we prime them for this (chapter 5)?
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For co-pilots, listening and then finding the entry point for them as leaders. Similar for Counterpart meetings, taking cues from the co-pilot meetings with similarities and using those as an entry to discussions with the group. Trying to facilitate the discussions with questions & prompts but letting them carry the conversation as much as possible.
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Thank you!
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@Jessica – I think the learning we did in San Diego as well as the current projects in the resources will help with this tremendously. Also, our monthly coach collaboration meetings will be a time to talk through this with our new coaches as well.
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Sara – the information from the article makes so much sense! We are learning so much about navigating this new virtual world. Thank you for sharing, and yes, looking forward to our work together!
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During a Copilot meeting today, the admin I was meeting with actually on his own took his watch off. He said it kept “dinging” him with notifications that were distracting. Maybe something as simple as being transparent with our groups, asking them to take care of distractions in order to be present.
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@Jessica – “What could we have school leader do as they enter the meeting to create this threshold? Something simple—but symbolic?” I love this idea. Simple as removing something (their radio?!) or adding something t(he idea of Inflexion swag is great!)
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@Sara – I thought more about this as I read further. I agree with establishing the group norms as the foundation, and then (at times) add in the pop-up rules. I see it as an opportunity to review the norms in a real way, but also add some uniqueness to some gatherings. It would be fun to brainstorm some of the Counterparts where adding pop-up rules would add that bit of spice!
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@Sara “Personally, I think I could have done a better job of addressing the positives and the constraints of the virtual space with the principals in my groups and could have been more intentional in how to practice displacement.” Right there with you. I think I honestly ignored this opportunity… Looking forward to exploring this idea together.
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@ Jessica – agree with your thoughts regarding the timing of controversy. If there are group norms/ground rules, perhaps revisiting them specifically with “feel safe” and “willing to take a risk” in mind would be important.
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@Jessica – your idea of the typical “stump speech” followed by the impromptu “sprout speech” is intriguing. I remember too many times, during admin meetings, we were required to form our “elevator pitch” and practice it with colleagues. While this likely was helpful in that we had the opportunity to collect our thoughts especially around volatile topics, I know they came off as stilted and ingenuine at times.
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@ Jessica – I had a similar thought about group norms. At first, I struggled to see the difference but then it seemed that norms continue from meeting-to-meeting whereas pop-up rules apply only during specific times. Is that your take away as well?
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@Jessica – I agree with your suggestion regarding leader input. After Elise shared the “discovery Interview” resources with us yesterday, I’ve been thinking more about this….