[Ling Deng]

This book gave me some ideas and insights I wouldn’t have thought about normally. I think this has given me some pointers on how I can help communicate better with my leaders and give me new ideas on how to help them and their staff do the transformational work we know that’s so important. It really helped tie everything together in a neat package where I think I was maybe doing bits and pieces here and there. It also solidified a lot of I was seeing, hearing, or doing in my meetings so it’s great to know that we should continue some of those practices. Overall, I think it gave me some things to think about and be more cognizant when working with our leaders.

[Ling Deng]

When I think about that quote it makes me think of my mother. She doesn’t want to change because she is comfortable and likes to live in that comfort zone because of the insecurities she has around speaking English and people not understanding her or not understanding how to navigate the world. She lacks self efficacy, which makes her feel inadequate. As Evocative Coaching has told us time and time again, empathy and understanding of people’s motives and behaviors helps us to meet them where they are at and empower themselves to make changes.

Honestly, on a personal level this chapter gave me a reminder of how my mother views and operates in this world. It reminded me to be empathetic to her, remember her motives, and think of different ways to challenge her while making sure she feels safe. I’m sure this same sentiment can be translated to our leaders it made me think of my mom first.

[Ling Deng]

I liked seeing some of the basic principles like SMARTER and the typical experiment design being utilized here. It makes it accessible and easy to remember. So asking questions like what are you trying to accomplish, what data are you looking for, how can you gather that data, etc. are questions we can use to guide them to think about every facet of what they are thinking about. I think it helps break things down in bite size chunks and not feel so overwhelming. I also think I have a unique position because I get to see so many leaders and hear from so many different coaches I can bring in a perspective from other Counterparts and what I’ve heard to help jog some thinking.

[Ling Deng]

I’ve taken a few personality assessments both personally and professionally and it’s always reminded me that my strengths are in relationship building and innovation. I don’t think I would ever described myself as innovative yet when I think back to some of the systems I’ve helped put in place, or programs I’ve helped build, or support I’ve given, I realize that is a strength of mine when I feel supported and have a someone to bounce ideas off of. It’s always great to see and feel that I’ve been helpful. It motivates me to keep doing what I’m doing.

My coaches and I have built agendas where we’ve asked about their strengths and how that’s helped them. I think as a society we have a tendency to focus on the negative at times because that’s what we’re bombarded with and can be reactive. It’s always a great reminder for us to look towards the positive and think about strengths and how to continue to build upon those instead of focusing on what we’re lacking. I think Kate is absolutely right; find the people who are strong in areas where we need bolstering instead of trying to do it all. I think strengths assessments are great, but only when we apply it and there is follow through.

[Ling Deng]

I agree with what Alexa is saying. I think especially as I grow to know people I have a tendency to sympathize and not empathize. Like the previous chapter said, we are the ultimate fight animal and want to fight and protect the ones we care about. I also think because we have been in the education field, we understand and may have experienced the same or very similar situations that may bring back past feelings. It’s important that we are aware checking in on when we may be sympathizing or pitying instead of empathizing.

When I was a sex ed teacher there had been many times I could empathize with my students because I had been in situations similar to them. I think them knowing that I was a real person who struggled as well helped my students feel seen and heard. Where I saw change was when I started to ask questions of situations and scenarios regarding what a healthy relationship looked like. I asked them to think about their autonomy and self worth and they reexamined how they were being treated and what changes they wanted to make to be healthier. I think in that situation I could have easily sympathized, gotten upset for them, or told them what to do, but instead I had them dive into their own actions and thoughts, which I think they found empowerment to take control and demand respect.

[Ling Deng]

I think allowing for more time to share their stories and being comfortable deviating from the agenda. We always have a packed agenda because an hour a month to meet always flies by and having possibly 8 voices in the room means people may not feel comfortable sharing since they are acutely aware of the time and people. I think it’s important for us as facilitators and coaches to allow for those relationship conversations and stories to be explored naturally and build more of that into our agenda.

I liked reading this chapter because it reinforced what I was taught and try my best to do now, which is instead of asking “what’s wrong with you?” changing that to “what happened to you?”. Context to a situation is so important, but we can get lost in our own world some times.

[Ling Deng]

Personally, when someone comes to me to talk about a situation one of first questions I ask them if they want to vent/ verbally process or if they are looking for advice. I want to make sure I’m meeting their needs and goals of the conversation without coming to my own conclusion or giving them a goal that isn’t what they were seeking.

I think relationship building is a skill that all of my coaches have and they work on trying to grow their leaders while giving them tools they’ve utilized and can empathize with them. That’s the beauty and power of our coaches, because they’ve been where the leaders have been. The only thing I see that may be a hinderance is when the relationship is forced because the leaders have been voluntold to participate which may start the leader and coach off on the wrong foot.

[Ling Deng]

The learning experience I had as an adult was extremely eye opening, and I believe changed the way I operated and viewed the world. I was in a therapy session and my therapist pointed out that I have control issues from conversations we were having over a span of a few months. This was not something I realized before, but apparently my family and friends knew and never mentioned to me. This revelation changed the way I was thinking. I started to examine my own motives and needs, which also led to some sorely needed self talk, boundaries, and self care. It was important I knew this side of me and work on how it effects me professionally and personally. It let me notice my habits and behaviors and also what I expect or juxtapose on others possibly unfairly.

As I was reading this chapter and thinking about my response to this prompt, I also thought about how a leader’s need to control can hinder their own evocative coaching. They need to work hand in hand and find ways to encourage their staff. Not everyone is a perfect fit for each role, but it’s our job as leaders to find out what their strengths are and tap into that. While we, as coaches and Inflexion staff, can provide resources, data, and brainstorm with them how to make transformational change at their sites, it’s important that when they coach/ lead their staff it’s in an objective and collaborative manner and with understanding that people may arrive to the destination differently than what they may have envisioned.