Building Shared Understanding Through Feedback: Strengthening Feedback Practices
For school leaders, giving critical feedback is not an occasional task. It is a routine and essential part of leadership. These conversations happen in classrooms, offices, hallways, and meeting rooms, often in the middle of already full days.
OBJECTIVES
- Strengthen relational trust between leaders and staff
- Increase openness to growth-focused feedback
Even for experienced and reflective leaders, feedback conversations can feel complex. Relationships matter. Context matters. The stakes feel high, especially when trust, morale, and student learning are all intertwined. The challenge is rarely about willingness. It is about navigating these moments with clarity and care while balancing many competing priorities.
It is not about doing more or trying harder. It is about approaching feedback with intention so that it supports growth rather than strain. When feedback is grounded in calm, specificity, and clear expectations, it strengthens both relationships and practice.
Starting With Yourself: Regulating Before You Respond
Before focusing on what needs to be said, it helps to pause and notice what you are bringing into the conversation. Critical feedback often carries emotion for everyone involved. Frustration, concern, urgency, or fatigue can surface quickly, even when intentions are positive.
Staying calm does not mean suppressing emotion. It means regulating enough to remain present and focused. As leaders, the emotional tone we bring can shape how feedback is received, even when the message itself is sound.
Helpful strategies include:
- Taking a few slow breaths before the conversation begins.
- Writing down the specific outcome you hope the conversation will support.
- Asking yourself what you want the other person to understand or be able to do differently afterward.
The purpose of feedback is to improve performance.
— Elena Aguilar, The Art of Coaching
Regulation creates space for listening and problem solving. It allows the conversation to stay focused on growth rather than reaction.
Practical Tips for Giving Critical Feedback
Be specific, clear, and concise.
General feedback can be confusing and difficult to act on. Describing specific examples of what you observed helps the recipient understand exactly what needs attention and why it matters.
For example, instead of saying:
“You need to be more prepared for meetings.”
You might say:
“I noticed the agenda and materials weren’t ready for the last two team meetings, and the team spent the first fifteen minutes trying to get organized. How can we make sure everything is ready before the next meeting?”
Focus on behavior, not the person.
Feedback should address actions rather than character. By focusing on observable behaviors, leaders keep the conversation centered on improvement instead of judgment.
For example, instead of saying:
“You are not committed to the team.”
You might say:
“I noticed you arrived more than ten minutes late to three department meetings this month, and the team had to pause each time to get started. I wanted to check in about what might be getting in the way.”
Use a neutral tone.
Tone often shapes how feedback is received. Communicating calmly and sticking to observable facts can reduce defensiveness and keep the conversation constructive.
You might begin the conversation with language such as:
“I want to share something I noticed and hear your perspective.”
Be empathetic.
Acknowledging effort or context communicates respect and helps maintain trust. Empathy does not lower expectations. Instead, it creates a space where honest conversations about improvement can occur.
You might say:
“I know this has been a demanding semester, and I appreciate the work you are doing.”
Provide actionable steps.
Feedback becomes more effective when it includes clear suggestions for improvement. Offering specific next steps and support helps translate feedback into action.
For example:
“To make sure there’s time for feedback before the week begins, let’s aim to have lesson plans submitted by Friday afternoon.”
Avoid sugar-coating.
While empathy is important, clarity is equally important. Avoid softening the message so much that the concern becomes unclear. Honest feedback helps people understand what needs to change.
Leaders can be both supportive and direct:
“I want to be transparent about something that needs attention so we can work on it together.”
Use “I” statements.
“I” statements allow leaders to share observations and impact without sounding accusatory. This keeps the focus on the situation rather than assigning blame.
For example, instead of saying:
“You never listen to feedback.”
You might say:
“Sometimes during our planning conversations I leave feeling like my feedback didn’t fully land. I’d like to talk about how we can make those conversations more productive.”
Remain calm.
Difficult conversations can quickly become emotional. Taking a moment to regulate your own response helps keep the conversation focused and productive. Pausing, breathing, and clarifying your purpose before speaking can prevent the conversation from escalating.
Before entering the conversation, consider what you hope the outcome will be and what you want the other person to take away from the discussion.
Find common ground.
Highlighting shared goals can help keep the conversation focused and productive. In schools, these goals often center on student learning and strong collaboration.
You might say:
“We both want students to stay engaged during instruction, so I want to talk about how we can strengthen this lesson structure.”
Establish next steps.
Before ending the conversation, clarify what will happen next. This ensures both people leave the discussion with a shared understanding of expectations moving forward.
For example:
“Let’s revisit this in two weeks to see how the new approach is working.”
Follow up.
Feedback is most effective when it is part of an ongoing process rather than a single conversation. Following up communicates support and reinforces accountability.
A quick check-in can make a difference:
“How are you feeling about the changes we discussed? Is there anything you need right now to support that work?”
Drawing on Reflection and Leadership Practice
Many leaders find it helpful to ground feedback conversations in established tools and frameworks, especially when the stakes feel high.
One widely used reflection tool is Brené Brown’s Engaged Feedback Checklist, which encourages leaders to examine intent, readiness, and alignment before offering feedback. Rather than providing scripted language, the checklist supports thoughtful preparation and values driven communication.
Leaders may also find insight in Kim Scott’s TED Talk, “How to Lead With Radical Candor,” which explores how to be honest and clear while remaining attentive to relationships. Her perspective reinforces that feedback can be both direct and respectful.
In addition, Elena Aguilar’s article, “Evaluation, Feedback, and Coaching: What You Need to Know,” helps leaders distinguish the purpose behind different types of adult conversations. Aguilar emphasizes that clarity about intent reduces confusion and strengthens trust in professional growth processes.
Taken together, these resources reinforce that effective feedback is not about saying more. It is about being intentional, clear, and grounded in shared understanding.
Why This Matters for School Culture
How feedback is given shapes the adult learning culture of a school. When feedback is calm, specific, and grounded in shared expectations, it normalizes growth and reflection. When it is unclear or rushed, it can unintentionally create distance.
Strong feedback practices support stronger teams, clearer instruction, and more trusting relationships. Ultimately, students benefit when adults work in environments where feedback is seen as a tool for learning rather than a source of fear.
Giving critical feedback is not about having harder conversations. It is about having clearer, more human ones, with the goal of helping everyone move forward together.
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